In life we all aim to do certain ambitions, personal or otherwise. When I was younger I had many ambitions, football player, police officer, game tester, the list was endless. In reality these wouldn’t be hard to do, for a normal person that is. Don’t get wrong, someone with a disability could do them but in a limited way depending on what is required.
Lately I have been in a drought of with ideas for my life, it’s not always easy to think of ideas at the best of times but when it’s ambitions for life you do tend to hit a brick wall. I am guessing my depression doesn’t help matters, always living in fear of the “what ifs” or insecurities that keep us from doing something life changing.
Depression’s a bitch, living with it is like a kid watching over you on top an ant hill with a magnification glass waiting to burn you. I live with it everyday, even though it eats me inside I still try to build a meaningful but loving life, mostly focusing on what I can do for other people. I know people say “put yourself first” but to me it seems selfish and I could never bring myself to do that.
With many skills under my belt and many years of experience, common sense should kick in and say “you have it made” but in reality, common sense doesn’t always dictate what your ambitions will be or what you will achieve. I have been given many chances to make something of myself and I have always had to turn them down because of sickness, honestly with todays hard-working culture I wouldn’t be able to keep up and it would make me even more sick as time goes on.
This is why I am stuck in rutt, many skills and ideas, and a passion for helping others. I guess one day something will come up but until that day I will go through the endless day-to-day depression, along with the daily grinds of “what ifs”. As the old saying goes “Every Dog Has it’s Day”.