Tag Archives: anxiety

Life’s Hard — Social Anxiety

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Life has certainly been hard for me over the recent months, loads of stuff went on, and I’m now back to where I started. 

I can’t go into it all, but people got their way. I am back to staying in the house from weeks to even months at a time, and I am unable to interact with people. This will mean one thing, I have to take the pills again; it isn’t something I want by choice, but I have no other choice. Maybe I will enjoy all the pretty colours?

I’m struggling to deal with this, and plus I am struggling with my other conditions. Pain galore all the time and flat out on my bed all day due to dizziness. 

But, yes, even with these kicking my backside, I am still continuing to do my usual hobbies. The books, blogs, music, and videos are still continuing to keep me busy, but I must am it that it’s making me very tired. 

Anyhow, there’s my rambled thoughts and update. This should make some sense, or in my case, it’s the ramblings of a mental patient. 

Taking Life Easy

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After the big virus of the winter, I have started to take life a bit more easier. The last month was crazy, a big virus, and then I get sickness afterwards.
While I had this virus, it made my anxiety worse and it made my heart beat faster than normal. Just relaxing my heart would be at 115 – 135 bpm, which is fast, but luckily that’s settled down and my heart is now at 79 – 95 while resting. So, I guess that’s a plus for me.
Anyhow, even with this said, I am still taking time out, but I will be writing and continuing with current stories to pass the time.
Stay safe.

Expose Anxiety

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Well, the time has come when I have to tackle my anxiety. I’m using the exposure technique to try to overcome it. If you aren’t familiar with the exposure technique, it simply means, you gradually do things over time that cause your anxiety.
I have personally set a goal to walk from mine to a bench every day, this bench is about two streets away, so it’s good for a start. I will do this for a week, and then I will gradually increase the distance.
Anyhow, this is a quick Monday Blog to update you all. On another note, my knee and leg are still killing me, thanks for asking, not that you asked at all … Chat soon all.

Anxiety Jaw Problems

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Ever since my anxiety got worse at the beginning of the year, I have had many problems with my jaw. It’s utterly mad, some days I won’t have the problem, and sometimes it will last for weeks.
The actual problem relates to stiffness, pain, swallowing issues, and cracking of the jaw bone near the ears. When I researched the problem, it appeared that it could be symptoms of anxiety, so, I took this problem to my doctor, and they confirmed my suspicions.
It’s hard to live with, headaches and pain galore, just what I needed.
My medical conditions are never ending, the list is getting longer, and as I get older it won’t get any shorter.
Anyhow, enough of my moaning, struggling to sleep with these problems.

The Waiting Game Starts

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THE WAITING GAME STARTS. I had my brain scan last night, initially it went well, but I have to wait now for the results, which take upto two to three weeks to come back. So, as you can tell, I will be on edge until the results come back. I am expecting something to come back because of my current symptoms, it would be crazy if nothing came back, and if it did, I wouldn’t know what to do after that.
     Scans these days seem to be getting quicker, I walked into the hospital at 6:10pm, had the scan at 6:18pm, walked out there at 6:23pm, and I was home by 6:35pm—fantastic! The person doing the scan was really kind, they let me take my shirt off for the scan because I was getting hot from my anxiety, and they didn’t rush me to get it done. While I was having the scan, I could feel my anxiety getting higher, I could even hear my heart thumping in my ears, and at that point I thought I was going to freakout. I felt so embarrassed at the end though, when I attempted to sit up again, I failed, so they gave me a helpful lift, but to be honest I would have suggested a crane because of my extra weight.
     I certainly need to lose the extra pounds, or I need to tone my body to make me stronger. I feel totally embarrassed, it makes me feel like some fat slob, and I know it isn’t healthy for me to carry this much extra weight.
     Anyhow, signing off, don’t want to end this on a bad note, even though I do feel down about the extra weight gain.

Fight-to-Fight Response

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TODAY HAS BEEN somewhat troublesome, not because of anxiety, but because of a stomach sickness—IBS is at the core of the problem. I planned to be in bed early last night, resting my old bones and brain is what I wanted to do, but my body, of course, had other ideas. There I was lying in bed, feeling frustrated, tired, and my brain alert and wide awake. Beyond frustrating.
     As the day went on, I was feeling okay, the sickness was annoying me though, but I kept going and tried putting it to the back of my mind. I was utterly shattered, my didn’t shut down until 3:30AM. I ended up wishing for my body to reboot, or even better, to have a complete firmware upgrade. If you are a computer geek, you will totally get that joke, a little play on words using computer jargon—I won’t mention the floppy disk joke, or putting more ram in.
     So, getting back to the point of this blog. I have been doing a lot of research on the “fight-to-fight” system of the human body. It appears that I am simply suffering from some kind of fear response, whether that is anxiety or some kind of phobia. I am more inclined to say that my problems are to do with a social phobia, anyone I meet or see, I go to pieces and my nerves go through the roof. But, even with that in mind, these problems have only been around since I was diagnosed with bad IBS—which has been proven to increase anxiety, and stimulate your vagus nerve.
     Now, with this all in mind, I think the way forward for me is to increase my meditation and yoga. This has been proven to aid anxiety disorders, and many other problems. I have nothing to lose and it’s worth a try.
     Until this passes, I won’t be able to do much that I want, but I will get there in the end. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Isolated Anxiety

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I NEEDED TO WRITE, doing nothing is sending me crazy, and causing prolonged health issues. Being this isolated has caused my depression to crop up in waves of good and bad. I’m not a stranger to all this depression lark, but this episode seems to be dragging on and causing other issues. Dizziness and heart palpitations are two of the symptoms, but those could be caused by migraines, or even anxiety and panic attacks.
     Every day seems to be the same no matter how much I try to change things. I wake up around the same time, wake up feeling the same way as the day before, and I have my meals at the same times as the day before. I have tried changing this around, but nothing seems to work, and sometimes it makes me feel worse. Admittedly, this all could be anxiety, I have no idea, obviously because I haven’t had it like this before.
     As some of you may know I take a beta blocker to help slow down my heart rate when I am feeling anxious. Over the last few days I have tried not to take it, the reason for doing this is simple, I want my life back and I want to feel normal again. At the moment I am stuck in this flat, not because I am being held captive by anyone, but because I can’t go out long before I start to feel faint, or lightheaded. Don’t get me wrong, there are many people worse off than me, and maybe this is coming off a bit selfish, but I want my life back to how it was.
     I am hoping that these migraine strips start to work, I really need to get my life back on track. If I was truly honest, to you, or even myself, I know I’m not happy, and maybe it’s the isolation, or the depression causing it. The only happiness I seem to get recently is, by purchasing canvas prints of New York from Graham & Brown—take a look, you won’t be disappointed. I love a lot of what they are selling and I have a long list of items that I would like to order.
     Anyhow, there’s my ramblings, let’s hope things get better because life cannot carry on like this, and with my own strength I will make sure it doesn’t.

Admission Anxiety

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I HAVE NOTICED a recurring symptom to my anxiety disorder, or should I say symptoms. The first one is prickly heat, this happens whenever I get hot or worked up, and this could be at any time. Even, though, I have noticed it more after meals, especially hot meals. Secondly, I have noticed a slight on the edge feeling before and after dinner. This makes my heart speed up to rapid levels and causes dizziness. Lastly, an edgy feeling while I am out, this is usually occupied by intense sweating and dizziness.
     This is a mixture of problems, and obviously it won’t be cured overnight. I forgot to mention. I also get worked up and have panic attacks when I am stressed out by any situation—the last blog I wrote is a good example.
     So, with that in mind, I am trying hard to think of ways to combat this disorder. I am taking many medications to calm me down, trying to exercise and lift weights when I can, and cutting down on any caffeine intake. I must lookup more methods to help me, they might help, and they might not, but it’s all worth a try at least.
     Anyhow, there’s my admission to anxiety troubles I am facing, let’s hope there will be a way forward because I can’t keep living like this, it’s very unhealthy.

Singling It!

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STRESS AND MORE stress, and that’s putting it nicely. On Friday I was bombarded with texts, calls, and emails from people whom have started to get annoyed with me because I haven’t been around much due to the anxiety disorder that is plaguing me every day.
     The attitude from some of them was astonishing, apparently “I can just get over it,” and I can stop the childish behaviour when I want. Seems silly, an anxiety disorder can hit anyone for any reason, no matter what age you are. I can’t help, but think people just want things to go their way no matter what happens to me, it’s all about them. This isn’t aimed at just one person, believe me, after the incident Friday, my iPhone block list has gone from four to thirty. As you can see that is a huge jump.
     So, let’s discuss Friday. Thanks to all the stress, I am now single, and I had such a serve panic attack that shot my heart up to 162 beats per minute—dangerously high, and could have caused unthinkable things. I know I let things get to me, but that’s because I have a soul and I care too much, and I take things to heart. Does that make me a bad person? Of course it doesn’t, it just means people play on my vulnerability to get what they want, and cause me unneeded stress to get their own way.
     As I write this, I am away with clouds and high as a kite because of my medication. These medications are to help me calm down and to make me less anxious. Even though I don’t condone the getting high method, but if you need it to help you, then medically I don’t see any harm in it. And, I need to add, my medication is legal, and it’s prescribed to keep me calm, and to control the pain I deal with on a daily basis due to my cerebral palsy.
     Anyhow, as you can tell, I’ve had a bad few days, but what does it matter? Not many people really care, and I know those twenty or more people couldn’t care what they have caused. But, onwards and upwards as they say. I will try to blog when I can, but it might be on a limited schedule.
     Thanks to everyone whose supported me, and personal thanks go out to my close friends whom have stuck by me even in my darkest hour.
     Stay blessed, and stay well.
     Marc.

Tuesday Poet

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Who knew Anxiety?

Anxiety breaks and dampens the soul,
Shaking the nerves with pure vibration,
Controlling my life day and night,
Who knew it could take over me?

Lying on the bed with my heart beating fast,
Chest beating like a drum,
Ribs echoing loudly with the beat,
Who knew it could take over me?

Breath becoming short and muffled,
Cheeks are rosy and hot like a grill,
Chest tight and crushing,
Who knew it could take over me?

Coursing powers start to release,
Chest loosens like an elastic band,
Breath coming back slowly,
Who knew it could take over me?

I sigh with relief and feel the release,
Vibrations gone and I am calm,
Fresh air fill the lungs to the max,
Anxiety is gone, it was just an attack.

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